


Do Not Go Gentle

by WitchyBird



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: A slow burn for sure, Angst, Ben Solo Deserved Better, Fluff, It will take a while for any smut to kick in sorry, Jedi Reader (Star Wars), Pre-Sequel trilogy, Reader-Insert, Smut, except I've put a name in occasionally
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-02-26
Updated: 2021-03-05
Packaged: 2021-03-17 14:54:36
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 10,387
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29718882
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WitchyBird/pseuds/WitchyBird
Summary: You had begun in the same place as so many others, but you were alone as it burnt to the ground.Training as a Jedi in the new praxeum was where you met one of the most powerful men in galaxy, except then he was just a boy named Ben Solo. From padawan to resistance scout your life never followed an easy path, and there throughout was someone who you could never quite let go. But the force works in mysterious ways and you weren't going down quietly.-------------------------------A Ben solo x reader fanfiction in 2nd person. A slow burn that will eventually contain mature content. I've used a name for ease of story telling, but it's relatively short and easy to read over.
Relationships: Ben Solo | Kylo Ren/Reader, Ben Solo/Reader, Ben Solo/You, Kylo Ren/Reader, Kylo Ren/You
Comments: 1
Kudos: 3





	1. Some Things Never Change

**Author's Note:**

> Please leave any feedback you have, it's much appreciated!

The wind that whipped round the vast training ground sliced through the air with the screech of a TIE fighter. It drowned the sounds of clattering staffs as they met in combat and dominated the conversations of onlookers. Across the plateau it continued to speed, whipping up the spindly branches of the few trees that lined the arena and thrusting the dry leaves into people's faces. It hadn't reached noon yet but the sun beat heavy onto the hard earth, thawing the last of the morning frost that had clung on. It was one of those cold winter days where no matter how much sun there was, the bite of the air still reached your core.

This mattered very little though to the students facing off with each other in the praxeum arena. Half a dozen pairs were spread out across the space, some mid engagement, others waiting for the moment to strike. Sweat dripped down the neck of one student as she slid across the dust back from the force of a blow. After hours of practise even the icy gale blowing around couldn't keep down the heat of the exertion. Further down the line another adolescent hit the deck with a hard thud, earth clinging onto the side of their damp torso. Back from the majority of the group hovered a hooded figure, the drapes of their cloak billowed in the draft yet somehow the hood stayed dipped over the head.

You took in glimpses of this as you twisted to avoid a solid lash to the back. Your opponent outmatched you easily in height so you knew you had to rely on your speed. Parry, duck, step away, duck again. You clipped the forearm of your adversary as he went in for a brazen lunge. Mistake. You darted past his side to face his exposed back and swung your staff forward to make the attack. With unreasonable speed the opponent brought the staff back round, carried by the momentum of his assault, and parried you from behind. You backed off and prowled round the edges of your designated ring, waiting for the the perfect moment. You heard a deep huff from your challenger, although with him facing away you couldn't tell if it was from a laugh or from effort. Something in you doubted it was the latter. The wind continued to tug at your loose training clothes and despite the sweat, you could feel your cheeks sting. Your opponent turned to face you, hair plastered to his equally sweaty forehead. This was an even match, no doubt. But now it was time to finish it.

Just as you hoped your opponent shifted his weight ever so slightly to one side. This was it, you knew what was coming next. For a second the wind no longer wailed in your ears and the sun's glare shifted from your eyes. Everything was held in perfect balance.

 _SWOOSH_.

The staff came slicing through the air in one big powerful swing straight towards your centre. Throwing yourself down onto one knee into the direction the blow was coming from you let your own momentum carry you through the dirt. Just as you hoped the attack was over-powered. Whipping your own staff round it connected with the back of your opponents exposed calf. He was already off balance and the blow did the rest to send him sprawling forwards onto all fours. You smiled to yourself a little, deciding where on his back you'd give a final thwack for good measure. Your mistake. You saw too late as a handful of dust came flying up from the floor, carried by the wind straight into your face. Instinctively you brought the staff up over your head in a guard position as you spluttered and coughed.

_CRACK._

The other staff met yours overhead with a sickening crunch of splintered wood and bone rattling power. Stalemate.

"Enough!" shot a voice miraculously over the gale whistling around. "I think you two have had at each other long enough. Let's call it a morning before someone ends up in the medical ward." Glancing up from the floor you saw the hooded figure approach your part of the arena. Heaving yourself up you picked bits of gravel off your tongue. The taste was foul you couldn't lie. Your opponent also picked himself up, "Still haven't beaten me yet."

"Maybe if you improve your aim you might actually hit me, Solo," you teased as you offered out your hand. Ben chuckled and grasped your forearm in a respectful grip. "Me miss? It's actually tactful distraction." Playfully you swatted his hand away as you both turned to face the figure who had reached your spot. Two gloved hands reached out and pulled the hood back. Master Luke Skywalker had remained relatively youthful in his years, except for the tufts of greying hair billowing about. He had a warm face but a gaze you always thought was a little distant, almost like his thoughts were never fully in the room. Maybe that's what happens when you become a proper Jedi, you mused, always thinking about something else. "Good today, very good." Ben beamed instantly.

"Strong techniques demonstrated. Ben, good use of your surroundings there, using the wind to your favour." It was no secret that Ben was Master Skywalker's nephew, but there was absolutely no favouritism. A genuine compliment like that had to be earnt regardless. "Nim well done improving those points we talked about last time. Much better use of your opponent's skills against them. I know it's easy to utilise how Ben relies on power, but also try to think about not making yourself vulnerable when you advance on that opportunity."

You nodded eagerly in response to the feedback, the adrenaline of battle still hot in your veins. You heartbeat rang in your ears. Beside you Ben's chest heaved as he fought to catch his breath. He stood a head taller than you, but that distance was increasing every month as he went through a growth spurt. Upon initial inspection it wouldn't look like Ben would rely on power, he had that lanky frame of youth. But slowly you were both maturing and it was quickly clear that with all this training he was swiftly building strength. Your strength wasn't coming quite as quickly as you'd like, but there was time and for a while that meant you had agility on your side. "Now go on and clean up both of you. I don't want any of this dirt in the classrooms later." With that Master Skywalker gestured the way off the training grounds and towards to central praxeum building. "We'll cover the details later tonight."

Together you and Ben shot off towards the central building that rose distinctly from the rolling landscape. It was nothing overtly grand, the bell-shaped acropolis loomed dark grey with matching walls. As you ran you felt the ever present breeze whisk you along, elevating the world around you. Small huts blurred past you, each belonging to one of the students with a few spares dotted about. Glancing to your side you noticed Ben's face light up with cheek as he caught your gaze. "Race you!" he called eagerly, "lap of the praxeum," and without another word he bolted off. You followed without hesitation. Already he had strode away from you with those unreasonably long legs. Digging deep you pushed harder into the ground and gave chase. Halfway round and you were sharp on his heels. You had to take nearly two strides to every one of his. Almost there. You were just starting to pass round the outside and you heard a laugh erupt from next to you. Ben exploded away again with such ease, leaving you panting and more annoyingly, last as you pulled up outside the front gates. He was still laughing as you leaned over, hands resting on knees trying to catch your breath. "That's not fair your legs are so much longer!"

"Don't forget all the extra experience at winning races," he mocked watching you heave again. "Practise makes perfect."

"You're one year older than me that's not that much extra experience!" you managed to whine as you stood up. "Plus if practise made perfect we'd be expert duellists by now," you wiped the damp from your forehead indignantly. Ben punched the entry code into the little keypad by the giant gates leading into the main courtyard. He was still chuckling at your red face. "We've been training with staffs for two years that's hardly being an expert. The old Jedi masters used to spend lifetimes mastering the combat forms," the doors slid open with a hiss of compressed air. Small groups of students dotted the complex before you. They varied in age with the youngest around 10 and the oldest being Ben's age at 16. You'd been in the second intake group that arrived a year after the academy opened. It has been a miracle for your parents, who had spent the majority of your childhood fretting what an untrained force sensitive like you could do. They'd lived through the empire, they knew how bad it could really be.

A metallic bell tolled through aging speakers bolted to the walls. Some of the youngest dashed instantly into the main building. The tone meant one thing, food. Out the door the queue was already growing as repurposed droids became swarmed by seemingly starving children who hadn't eaten in 4 hours. You turned to Ben and gave an overexaggerated salute, "well oh great and wise master with so much experience, I need to be going." He swatted your hand away with a hearty laugh. You knew salutes winded him up, hence why you did it.

"Not coming in for food?"

You'd already headed for one of the side passages of the courtyard as you turned to reply. "You know I'll be back later!" With that you leapt away as Ben shook his head in exasperation and joined the huddle of older students joining the queue.

The dusty gloom of the the corridor welcomed you back as you weaved your way through the different passages. Taking the stairs two at a time you quickly found yourself in an uninspired classroom lined with mismatched books. It wasn't a proper library, not like the colossal one back home, but it made do. Just as you'd hoped with the toll of the lunch bell the room was empty. You hovered in the doorway, admiring how in the peace the wind slipped in from outside and danced through the pages of a volume left open on a desk. With it came a hum of shifting air and the smell of crisp frost mixing with old parchment. It took a moment of searching, but eventually you laid eyes on the work you were looking for. It was wedged in on the highest shelf, where the youngest ones couldn't get too boisterous with it. Clambering up onto a desk took barely a blink, and soon you were tucked comfortably into the corner bench, book nestled between your knees. This one detailed some of the history of the Jedi order during the time of the High Republic, and you figured you had just under an hour of good reading time before someone came to bother you. Tucked into place, you mind drifted into the words.

\-------------------------------------

_Left, right, step, swing up._

_Left, right, step back, guard._

_Pivot._

_Left, right, step, swing up._

You worked through the motions periodically and precisely. Each movement carried out with careful thought and tense muscles. Your arms carved through the dawn fog leaving wisps trailing delayed behind your form. Today the wind was still for once, allowing the heavy moist air to linger in a blanket across the plane. Lush grass dotted with glistening dew lapped at your legs as you continued to circle. It was the cusp of daybreak, and with the patches of clouds above you knew it would be a gorgeous one. As you focused on a point in the distant mid-air your breath condensed in swirls before your eyes. Pausing mid-movement you blew through your lips a little, allowing a thick stream to billow out in the cold. Smiling to yourself you relaxed from the practise and blew another, watching as it rose to meet the sky. It reminded you of the huffs of a Vrake from back on Makeb. Mornings like this made you miss home. Miss the towering stone columns and endless sky that stretched from each floating plateau. Just as your thoughts drifted away from you the Yavin sun finally breached the horizon. Pinks, yellows and oranges all burst across the sky, with the clouds casting deep purple shadows. They almost seemed to glow as the colours melted into one another. You looked over your shoulder to see the praxeum in the distance illuminated by the fiery sunrise. OK Yavin, not bad.

Having returned to your stance practise, it wasn't long before the sun was fully risen and bright blue sky dominated. As the fog started to dissipate a voice broke out behind you from the direction of the praxeum. "Thought I might find you here,"

"What can I say nothing like a good sunrise," you finished the movement and turned to face the visitor.

"How about a good sunset and another few hours in bed?" the young lady yawned and rubbed the remaining sleep out of her eyes. She was wrapped in a thick cloak with extra fur layer peeking out from underneath. Her deep black hair stuck out at awkward angles, clearly still suffering from bedhead this early in the day. "One day Nim I'm actually going to wake up with you in the room."

You winced in mock offence, "don't say it like that Layla, that sounds so suspicious," you complained as you put your arm over her shoulder. The morning sun radiated off Layla's dark skin like liquid amber. "You know for someone who just got out of bed you don't look half bad."

She gave you a suspicious smile and half-heartedly slapped you over the head. "Flattery will get you nowhere," she giggled as she yawned again. "Now can we please go back inside before I freeze through all these layers!"

"Aw you poor city folk, always so vulnerable to the elements." Layla gave you another slap to the head, this one a little harder. "Okay, okay! I yield!" you threw up one hand in surrender and the kept the other over her shoulder. "Fine we'll go back," you followed your friend's lead across the gentle rolling field. As you both approached the outer huts of the academy you heard the morning meal bell toll it's distinctive metallic twang as the other early risers were already leaving their quarters. It was mostly the youngest children already up, you presumed the teenagers were doing what they did best and were sleeping as long as they could. Doors slammed from the inner ring of huts as more of the first years jumped out ready for breakfast. Over the years the layout had changed so that the youngest were kept closest to the central complex and the older students were located further out. You enjoyed the extra privacy, and the uninterrupted view of the distant forests weren't bad either.

"Hang on a moment, just going to drop off a few layers," Layla darted into one of the huts just off to the left. Ordinarily each student, especially the older ones, had a hut to themselves, but one heavy storm and damaged ceiling later and you were sharing with Layla for now. The huts weren't spacious at the best of times, but you both enjoyed each others company and there wasn't anyone else you'd rather share with. You leaned round the edge to get a better view of the other student's residences. Each hut was the same at a base level, but the ever increasing levels of personalisation stood as a testament of quite how long you'd all been there. Some had flowers planted outside, propagated from cuttings taken on walk to the forests. Others had colourful tapestries strung over windows to block out the sun when it rose a little too early for liking. Layla's had a panel in the roof replaced with a sheet of glass, how she'd managed to convince a droid to do that you had no clue. She came from Coruscant and to see a sky full of stars there was impossible, so every night she looked out of her glass roof as she went to bed.

"All done!" she proclaimed as she came back out wearing the standard training clothes you all had. Comfy linen trousers and tunic, with practical boots and a utilities belt. Layla had also decided it was still too cold for her liking and had layered a long shirt underneath. You pulled at her arm as she closed the door, "great let's go, I'm starving."

"You'd still be out there swinging a stick if I hadn't come to get you," she retorted as you both approached the complex gates. You always remembered them being so much bigger when you were younger, now they were just doors. "I was getting in last minute practise, can you blame me."

"You say last minute like we haven't got a month left before the trials," Layla sighed as you reached the back of the food queue. "You also say it like you're not the most thorough combat form student there is here."

"I don't want to go soft!" To Layla it was no secret that you could sometimes struggle to keep up physically on Yavin. Makeb had relatively low gravity, and so generations of evolution had resulted in people who didn't need as much muscle to get around. When you first arrived it hadn't been as much of an issue with all that exuberant energy of a child. But in your mid teens you hadn't gone through quite as much of a growth spurt as the rest of the students. You refused to let that be a reason to fall behind, so you put in all the extra hours you could to retain what bulk you'd built up in training. Layla poked your admittedly solid abs through your tunic, "I think you're good man."

The prod landed right on a ticklish spot. You attempted to bat away the advancing finger, "fine I get it!" you snickered as it landed again. Layla continued to prod and poke you as the line moved forwards until you were inside the building. You erupted into another fit of giggles as she wiggled her fingers under your arm and tormented you further. Just as you were about to give her a friendly shove away as sharp voice broke across the room. "Enough both of you! You should be the ones setting an example." The pair of you instantly halted your jovialities as the praxeum leader called you out.

"Sorry master," you mumbled as Luke Skywalker gave you that warning glare he had on his face so often now. The last few years had worn the Jedi down as numbers in the academy grew beyond what one person could handle. There were the occasional guest teachers, but Master Skywalker was the only one who stayed. The fine lines by his eyes furrowed as he continued to focus on the pair of you. "I expect none of that behaviour in next class," and with that he continued his path through the room into the rest of the building. Right, not the best start to the day. You filled up your tray with the thick gruel on offer and joined your usual table without another word. As you sat the curious eyes easily lost interest and went back to their own business.

"On Skywalker's bad side already, nice job!" chimed in the young man opposite you as you sat. He had thick ruffles of auburn hair and spatterings of freckles all over his angular face. When you'd first met him he'd been a boy, now he was becoming a man, with a wide jaw and broad chest that struggled to squeeze in with the group at the table. "Not a chance Hirk, I'm just warming him up so you can really tip him over the edge in history," you smirked. It was no secret Hirk struggled to keep focus during your academic studies, and distraction was not popular with Master Skywalker. "Think you can actually study long enough to pass the test this time?"

"No doubt," Hirk gurgled mid way through a mouthful, "Ben's been helping me study." Something that surprised you about Ben still was how much he actually enjoyed studying. Sure his element was in the training grounds, but you'd lost count how many times you'd found him lost in a piece of text. He'd probably picked that up being the son of a diplomat. "You mean you haven't driven him insane yet?" Layla gasped before quickly bursting into a smile. "He's got more patience than me," she leaned back into her seat and blew the surface of her hot drink.

"That's not hard though," Hirk beamed. Layla quickly tried to quick him under the table, but her short legs could quite reach. Layla was used to the quick pace of Coruscant life, patience wasn't a virtue of hers. "So I'm guessing you went wandering this morning," Hirk gestured with his spoon to the bottom of your trousers, which were still saturated from the morning dew. You stuck one leg awkwardly in the air.

"What gave it away?"

"You are allowed to stay in bed until after the sun rises you know," Hirk teased, "It isn't some strange Jedi rule."

"That's what I said!" Layla chimed in before blowing on her drink again.

"Wow what is it with you two this morning I feel like I'm ganged up on." You scraped the last of your gruel off the tray. They really needed to teach the droids some new recipes. "I need Ben here to back me up." You threw your spoon onto the tray and gazed over the room. "Talking of where is he?" You weren't really sure why you checked the other tables, it wasn't like he sat with any of the other students regularly.

"Upstairs again," Hirk nodded towards the doorway leading to the central hall. "He's got something stirring in that big head." There was always something going on in that man's mind. Craning your neck to see past Layla you doubled checked the clock. There was enough time before class. "Right I'm going to check up on him," you clambered out the chair and chucked your tray onto a nearby station. "I'll catch you later!" and before the others had a chance to get a word in you were already through the door.


	2. A Family Legacy

Sunlight beamed through the glass panes that lined the walls of the stairway. Dust danced in the glow, suspended like time had been frozen just for this moment. Some of the younger children bounced past you down the stairs, taking zero notice of the pretty patterns the shadows made in the light. The praxeum was an eclectic mix of traditional stonework and practical electrical engineering required to run the academy. It was by no means a pretty building. If this had been Makeb the sides would have been open, supported by just pillars so that you could see the surroundings. There it was for the second time today. You're not still on Makeb. This is home now.

Finally you made it to the top of the bell. At this time of the day there weren't many people up here. The makeshift library was too small to host a class of any practical size, and besides morning lessons hadn't even begun yet. As you reached the doorway the familiar little room welcomed you back with the smell of parchment and leather. The reading bench you'd spent so much time tucked into was still crammed into one corner and piles of books dotted the floor. Gradually the collection had grown as Master Skywalker found new volumes, but no one had really thought to put together another bookshelf. There facing the shelves was your target. He was running his finger along the row, so lost in thought he hadn't spotted you hovering. It made you laugh how Ben was now tall enough that he could only just stand upright in the little room. Hirk would have the same problem if he ever came up here. "If you're looking for my stash of Sith secrets I'm afraid I hid it elsewhere."

The corner of Ben's mouth twitched, but he carried on scanning the shelf. His brow was furrowed just enough to hide his eyes in shadow. "Caught red handed, amateur mistake," he pulled a volume out and finally turned to you. He still stood a head above you in height, but he seemed so much bigger in comparison now. To start with his chest and shoulders had filled out exponentially in his later teens. Hours upon hours of training had built up defined muscles and a presence that was undeniable. He was quite different to how he'd been in the days of chasing each other round the praxeum. You both were. "Sorry you'll have to make do with...? " you gestured quizzically to the book in his hands.

"A comprehensive guide to Tython," he held up the cover to you. It took you less than 3 strides to cross the room to his side. You'd read this before, it was informative but not particularly exciting. Flicking through the pages quickly you hummed for a second. "The geography and biology sections are great, but I'd skip the part on the Jedi history. Instead-" leaning back you surveyed the shelves yourself. You'd seen it somewhere only last week you swore. It was next to that really cool one on lightsaber design. Got it. Pulling a thick leather bound text from the middle shelf you presented it to Ben, "try this for Jedi history in the deep core." He gave you a warm smile and accepted the gift. "Knew I could rely on your expertise," as he slid the larger novel into his clutch you saw him noticed the state of your clothes. Ben raised one eyebrow in his usually cocky manner like he'd just caught you misbehaving. You hated that smug face, it usually meant he was right about something. "Not worried that someone will beat you in combat forms are you?"

"Not a chance, who doesn't enjoy watching the sun rise on a freezing morning," he was trying to get a rise out of you. As you were about to come out with another tease you saw he smile drop. Ben stared right into you for a moment, his brown eyes as complex as the deep Yavin forests. His gaze shifted as he became a little sheepish all of a sudden. "Its today isn't it?"

How had he remembered that?

"You uh... mentioned a few weeks ago it was coming up." he shifted the books to the other arm. "You said you'd probably go watch the sunrise, that it was closest you could get apart from the forest." He'd actually remembered. Your head drooped and you started to fiddle with the hem of your tunic. You hadn't meant to let it slip and only Ben had been around, but still you didn't think he was paying attention.

"Yeh it's today. Nine years since I left Makeb." It wasn't like it was a particularly sad day. You were glad you'd joined the academy, proud of everything you'd achieved so far. But you missed your old family sometimes and you longed for the chance to see planets other than Yavin again.

"Hey..." Ben put the books onto a nearby desk and wrapped his arms around your shoulders. You let the side of your face rest on his chest and gave a little squeeze as you hugged back. "It's hard sometimes I know." It was soothing knowing he cares. You pulled away and put back on your brave face.

"It can't be too bad for you, Master Skywalker being your uncle and all. Plus your parents visit when they can to teach or help out."

"It's not the same as being with them back home," he shrugged and gave a hefty sigh. "And they don't really visit all that much any more." Smiling a little he picked the two books back up, "When was the last time you got a lesson on political theory by the esteemed Senator Organa." You couldn't help but chuckle a little. He was right, it wasn't any easier on him than anyone else here. Leia Organa used to come to teach classes that Master Skywalker wasn't as well versed in. You'd heard there was some trouble brewing in the outer rim, and she hadn't been back in a while. It was something that Ben didn't like to dwell on.

"Talking of theory, what are the books for?" gesturing to the pile in his arm.

"I'm looking into the history of possible Jedi artefacts. There used to be a temple on Tython back in the days of the High Republic, so there seemed like a good place to begin."

"Woah important stuff," when the academy first started Ben's uncle had taken him on trips to search for lost Jedi artefacts. It was the key to rebuilding the order he'd said. You'd always been a little envious that Ben was the only one to go. He'd loved it though. He always came back describing the hidden places they'd found in infinite detail, and you'd hung on every word. Finding these lost treasures still excited him just like he was 12 again. Then again, travelling the galaxies for lost treasure was in his blood. "Sure you've got time for all this extra research with the trials coming up?"

"I'm not worried about the trials, and you shouldn't be either." The all important Jedi trials. The last obstacle to overcome before they became Jedi knights. "You're a natural."

"We're all technically naturals," you teased. Ben rolled his eyes with a laugh.

"You know what I mean," he paused for a moment and held your gaze. That impossibly deep gaze. Ben went to speak again but a sudden clatter of footsteps cut him off. Ten or so teenagers came bounding up the stairs headed towards the only other classroom on the floor. Their shouts ended the enjoyable morning quiet and threw you both back to reality of the academy. You shared an understanding smile. "Are we heading to class or are you keeping yourself to those mysteries?

"Mysteries are exciting," and with that he ushered you out the door and past the hoards of other students.

It only took you both a few minutes to make your way to the designated classroom for the morning. Inside were already sat the rest of the oldest students in the academy, the ones getting ready to face to trials. There had originally been more, but now you were down to just nine. Yourself and Ben, Layla and Hirk, Hennix, Tai, Voe, Corran, and Kam. You were an eclectic bunch, but that pretty much summed up the academy. Everyone wore the same training gear, Master Skywalker preferred it that way. He said uniformity discouraged the notion that any one person was inherently better than another. It didn't really make sense in your mind but you went along with it anyway. In this room was the future of the Jedi order, this was it.

Shuffling into your usual seat between Ben and Layla you brushed your eyes over the writing on the wall. The chalk left over was scribbles of ancient runes left over from your last lesson. If you wanted to be able to find the way in ancient places then this was essential.

Master Skywalker strode into the room, his enveloping cape billowing out and filling the doorway. Immediately everyone sat up straight and gave their full attention. It used to be more relaxed. Master Skywalker used to looked like he enjoyed teaching. Maybe that's what years of being the only Jedi did to you, left you feeling drained and alone. That wouldn't be the case though soon, once this class passed the trials he wouldn't be the only Jedi any more. "Good morning everyone," he started to type into the holoprojector without even looking up at you all. "I have some news that should excite you." A low murmur rippled through the room. Looking over your shoulder Hirk bashed the corner of his desk silently in anticipation. Good old Hirk.

"Yes thank you Mister Hirk," you almost thought you saw the hint of a smile. "You should all be well underway with your preparations for your trials. In 20 days we will begin the process starting here at the praxeum. After that-" he paused and scanned the room, "we will be headed off to Tython."

Instantly there were cheers around the room at the mention of heading off world. Hirk was the first to shake you excitedly on the shoulder and across the row Kam and Corran were already deep in loud conversation. Tython. You were really actually heading off world and to Tython of all places.

"Settle down everyone! I understand this is a surprise," Master Skywalker pressed a button on the holoprojector and a 3D display of the planet appeared. The projection didn't show much detail apart from the extensive mountains and large jungle regions, but it was still fascinating. Even before you'd been a padawan you'd never been to Tython. "As you know part of your trials are to interpret Jedi texts of old, well Tython should have plenty of those. Another aspect is survival and your ability to adapt to your surroundings." he hit the buttons again. Zooming into a region of the planet the hologram now displayed a colossal region of the surface. "The task for you will be to locate and document one of the artefacts on a list I'll give you. It'll be in here somewhere" he gestured to the map, "but where is up for you to figure out."

"What if we find more than one?" Hirk interrupted in his usual way.

"Jason if you find more than one then generations of Jedi, including myself, should hang up our robes." Some sniggers went round the class. It was rare that someone used Hirk's first name. Normally it was reserved for times when he was being particularly dense. Something was still bugging you. Tython had already been on your mind but why. You zoned out for a minute, the rest of the instructions going straight over your head. Why was Tython important?

_The books!_

Ben had taken the book from the library on the history of Tython. You turned to him in trepidation, still buzzing from the news. The excitement faded almost instantly. Ben's face was thunderous. His head hung long but his eyes were fixed intensely on the hologram. On the desk you saw his fist clenched so tight his knuckles had turned white. The anger emanating from him radiated hot and disturbing across the small space between your desks. Heaving large heavy breaths his eyes remained firmly ahead, barely blinking. You wanted to reach out and shake him from this, whatever this was. Suddenly a sickly feeling rose inside you, like the anger from Ben was reaching into your very being. Quietly you wrapped your arm around your stomach and shot a look over to Layla. Odd, she seemed fine.

"The rest of this lesson will be a basic introduction to Tython, the rest is down to you. These lessons will now become personal study time." The gravelly tone of the Jedi's voice dragged your attention back into the room.

Gradually over the rest of the hour the horrible feeling sunk away. You kept glancing over at Ben, but he didn't say a word the whole time. The lesson dragged on. You just wanted to get out. Tatters of information flashed on the holoprojector, but for once it didn't have you full attention. Something had shaken Ben. He was usually the cool collected one, the prize student. Whatever this was ran deeper than any kind of usual problem. Finally the hologram powered down with a low beep.

"You now have an hour of your own time, use it well. I'll see you all in the training grounds then." Master Skywalker dismissed you in his usual blunt fashion. Fast as a lightning storm in a nebula Ben surged forwards from he seat. Your hand instinctively reached out, but he was too far away. Agonisingly your fingers just brushed the side of his hand before he'd made it to the doorway. Dammit, you'd have to search for him.

_Smack._

Something came down hard on your arm, making you jolt in your seat. Swinging back around you came face to face with a quizzical looking Layla. She gave you that clocked eyebrow you knew meant she was onto something. "You were unusually quiet that whole lesson. You're never quiet in class let alone after a seismic bomb like that."

"I'm- I'm not sure," your eyes darted back towards the door. You had to find him before the next class. Layla caught on immediately.

"Whatever is going on you need to sort it out. If there's problems between you we need it sorted before our group hits Tython."

"Going on? No it's not..." you shook your head a little, trying to shake some of the confusion. "Wait our group?" Had you misheard that last part?

"Wow you're really out of it," Layla shuffled her chair to let Voe out of the row. "We're going to Tython in two groups. It's you, me, Hirk, and Ben." Dank Farrik. This better not be a trial-ruining kind of problem. "I'm going back to the hut before training," your friend rose from her seat a little more graciously than Solo. "You coming?"

"Actually I've got some stuff I need to check on first," carefully you got up too. The sick feeling had gone completely now. "I'll meet you there." Layla still had that ever observant cocked-eyebrow look directed at you.

"If you need anything,"

"Yeh I know, thanks." With that she left the room after Hirk, who had been oblivious to the whole thing. Seemed typical. Right now you had to find Ben. Thankfully that wasn't an easier said than done situation. The complex wasn't overly large, and you knew exactly which one was his hut. Hopefully he hadn't taken a leaf from your book and gone for an extended stroll. You could deal with that if it came to it. First obvious place to try was his hut. You left the room swiftly, darting through the stone corridors you knew so well.

Luckily you didn't seem too out of place as you weaved your way through the huts of the younger students. There was only one hut between yours and Ben's, and right now it was thankfully being used for storage. You reached the outer row of huts and stopped at yours. Across the roof flapped a sheet of canvas bolted down with scrap beams. Lightning storms weren't uncommon on Yavin, this time you were just the unfortunate one. Pausing for a moment as you passed the doorway you listened for any sudden noises. Nothing. OK not promising. Just as you were about to pop into your hut to grab some things a muffled thud hummed through the air.

You froze, waiting for more. Where was that from? _Thud._ Gotcha. Once more to be sure. It didn't repeat instantly. Maybe it had been a mistake. _Thud._ OK then not a mistake. You didn't need your heightened Jedi senses to know where it was coming from. The door on Ben's hut rattled as a heavy object once again struck the wall. Just like in the classroom a festering feeling rose within you, but it wasn't like before. It ached rather than stung. Slowly you came up on the door, pressing the fingertips of one hand gently against the metal slat. _Thud._ Another one, making you tense up. The door was relatively thin, but something told you what was going on on the other side was immensely private. Maybe coming after him was a bad idea, a terrible one even. He hadn't asked for you to be here. Absent-mindedly you stared at your fingers still pressed against the door.

_Click._

The locking mechanism opened. Well this was going to look good. With an almost inaudible hiss the space opened up. Left suspended in the open your hand closed instinctively. Looming before you Ben was out of breath and his inky hair was pushed wildly away from his face. You looked up straight into his eyes, trying to gauge anything you could. His furrowed brow softened. Not angry at you then, that was good. Your hand dropped to your side as your vision focus on the mess behind your friend. The bed linen had been stripped and was bundled up around something on the floor. Pieces of parchment were strewn everywhere and the books he'd picked up earlier had clearly been thrown into a corner.

What do you say in this situation? You didn't know what was even wrong but there was clearly a lot to unpack. Ben softly stepped back, offering you entrance into the room. Gingerly you stepped forwards. You'd been in here plenty of times before. The familiar drawings were still pinned up to the walls. Some were of different planets, others were of ancient Jedi taken from various books. Just as before in centre place was a gorgeous sketch of Ben with his family. The hero Han Solo with his charming smile, and the revered Princess Leia, regal as ever.

"How did you know I was there?" that wasn't what you'd really meant to start with, but it was out now.

"I'm not sure," Ben adjusted a picture on the wall back to its normal position. "I felt a sort of calm presence all of a sudden."

"Nice to know I'm a good influence." He smiled a little at that. "Can the calming presence ask what's going on?" The smile dropped again. Ben turned away and picked up a few sheets of parchment off the ground. You watched as he returned them to the little desk and leant over it. You so badly wanted to go and place an arm around those gaunt shoulders. Be patient.

"It's about Tython," you bit back the instant reaction to retort with a sarcastic remark. "It was supposed to be just us." You watched as Ben continued to fiddle with the papers, giving himself some calming distraction.

"As in your own trial?" Be delicate, let him do the talking.

"Finding the artefacts. We always used to go together, just us, " his volume rose. "When Luke started the academy we would go to derelict Jedi temples to recover the old artefacts. Our way of ensuring the history of the Jedi carries on. My grandfather was a Jedi, doing it together was continuing a family legacy." Pausing Ben turned back around to you, but didn't meet your gaze. "Every year we spend less and less time together. It's like he's forgotten who I am." the frustration in his voice was unmistakable.

"He still cares about you Ben, of course he does," best convincing voice come on now. "There are so many students now, maybe taking us all to Tython is a way of carrying on your tradition whilst still doing his duties as Master." That probably wasn't very encouraging. "I think he's probably more stressed than we are about the trials. Doesn't look very good if we all fail." Humour usually works.

Ben sighed, the last of the anger seeming to dissipate with it. You weren't sure why but his emotions felt so vibrant to you, like he was one of the library books you could just pick up and read. The force was strange. "I wish he acted like he still cared. I wish any of them did," his eyes flickered to the family portrait. There wasn't much you could say in this situation. He was hurt, and he needed to feel it for it to go away.

You opened your arms, offering comfort the way you knew how to. In a few small weary steps he'd crossed the hut and fell into your embrace. His head rested on your shoulder as you wrapped your arms round his back. Yeh, this was nice, hugs always did the trick. You closed your eyes, enjoying the rhythmic murmurs of his heartbeat against your own. Time vanished from the room. Every breath drew you into a deeper state of content. Ben slid his arms round your side and held you back. Right now the rest of the world couldn't touch you.

Eventually one of your arms started to cramp and you dropped it. You placed it against Ben's arm at the elbow, still holding him in. The stirring broke the trance and he lifted his head. Part of you didn't want it to stop. It was a comfort you'd not felt since you'd been a padawan. Slowly you turned your face to Ben. He was closer than you realised as your noses almost brushed. Your breath hitched in your chest. Those damn eyes. They were rich and endless and as warm as a Tatooine sunset. Ben didn't blink, he just held you and took you in. You were unbearably close.

"I-,"

A sudden roar of ship engines overhead decimated the peace of the moment. Your arms unlocked and Ben stepped back, hints of red flush across his cheeks. Typical academy timing. "I'm going to go get my things for training," you turned for the door. Your head was swimming. What were you doing? Had he even wanted that? Flustered you went to step outside. In a flash Ben reached out and grabbed your arm.

"Thank you, Nim," his warm eyes meeting yours once more. You nodded your head, and without a word dipped back out of the hut into the dazzling sunshine.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As ever I'd love to hear your feedback! I hope you enjoyed this chapter.


	3. She Did Warn You

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A bit of a short one sorry!  
> Warning: violence

"Hirk if you throw that bag one more time I'm going to reprogram a droid to assassinate you," Layla said with uneasy calmness. Her eyes were closed as she lay on the ground soaking up the sun. It was still winter and so in true Layla fashion she had a thick cloak wrapped tightly around her. Hirk on the other hand had just the basic short sleeved training tunic. He came from Belsavis, and in comparison to that icicle Yavin was practically volcanic. He was also lying on the ground, his feet pointing towards the side of the hut you were all outside. Without a word he threw the small pouch filled with grains against the wall again. It hit with a dull smack before flying back into his hand. Probably the most menial use of the force in history.

"Ben pass me that staff and go inform Master Skywalker we tragically lost a padawan today," her eyes remained shut but she pointedly held out her hand. Ben paused midway through his practise of one of the combat forms. He thought about it for a moment, then swung one end of the staff into the open grasp. This ought to be good.

Layla adjusted her grip, eyes still shut. She paused holding the staff where Ben had handed it over. A small yet triumphant smile appeared.

_THWACK._

Suddenly it came swinging down straight across Hirk's stomach. It definitely wasn't as hard as Layla could hit, but it was enough. Hirk buckled up with a hefty grunt, dropping the pouch instantly by his side. Ben burst into a chuckle and you had a good snigger yourself, "she did warn you."

"Right got it-" he exhaled sharply and rolled onto his side, "throwing a pouch against a wall for half an hour is annoying." Layla offered the staff over to Ben, who took it back and followed up with a relaxed high five. As frustrating as your current situation was, days like this just getting to spend time with each other was invaluable. The book open in front of your crossed legs caught the breeze between the pages and flicked away from the passage you'd been reading.

"Brilliant..." you slammed the cover shut and leant back on your hand. Two weeks until the trials started. Just two weeks. As a group you knew everything about Tython at this point. The lay of the land, the history, the wildlife, everything. Everything except the location of the ancient Jedi temple. None of the books in the academy library had the information you needed. Of course it couldn't just be that easy. Layla had hacked into one of the data ports to remotely search for anything stored on the system, but to no avail.

"We'll get there Nim," Layla finally opened her eyes at the sound of the book shutting. "Ten days is enough time to find some mention of an artefact." Part of you knew she was right, but the anxiety was growing in your chest day by day. This couldn't be how your group failed. You'd all worked so hard up to this point and to lose it all because you couldn't find a tiny artefact on a massive overgrown planet. Dropping your head you ran your hands through your hair. It was tangled and messy, so you yanked your fingers through. The tugging stung your scalp.

"Nim," your eyes shot up at your name. Ben stared straight at you, his face a mix of concern and determination. It had taken him a day or so to settle again after the news of Tython, but quickly he'd fallen into his role in the group. "Go get a staff, we still have other trials apart from Tython to complete." His head gestured towards your hut where he knew you kept your staff. You huffed a little. Of course he was right, but it was hard to tear yourself away from a problem you hadn't cracked. Ben's eyebrow raised a little at your defiance.

"Fine, give me a second," you heaved yourself off the ground and dipped into your hut. Once again the roof was solid and you'd moved out of Layla's quarters. You missed the company more than you would have liked as you spent most nights starting at the ceiling in cold silence. Ah well, you'd get used to it again. The staff rested against the desk where you'd left it. Grabbing it you quickly returned outside, getting more eager to let off some steam. Hirk had stopped rolling around and was sitting against the hut with Layla.

"Waiting for the show?" you teased.

"Combat forms are only entertaining if you're actually trying to hit each other." Hirk retorted.

"Don't say that at the trial or its an automatic fail," you twirled the staff a little, warming up your muscles. Ben's sleeves were rolled up to his elbows, his solid forearms flexing as he threw his staff between hands. You moved in opposite your opponent, giving plenty of space between. Ben was still the trickiest opposition for you. Hirk had all the power and effortlessly beat you on the straight offensive. However, he was easy to out manoeuvre and was slow to return to the defence, leaving him vulnerable to parry. Layla was the complete opposite, being the lightest on her feet but lacking enough offensive capability. Recently she'd tried combat with two shorter staffs instead of one, and was slowly building her dual wielding skills. If she mastered that she'd be deadly. "Right what form are we practising?"

"Four." This day just kept getting better. Ataru was easily one of Ben's strongest forms. Ideal for one-on-one combat and highly aggressive, it suited his style perfectly. "That's not very fair," you got into stance anyway, knowing protest was futile.

"Not every fight will be fair," he shrugged. "We'll go through it first."

The next half hour was spent going through each of the motions of the form. You'd spent enough mornings on the training grounds at sunrise doing this and the form came easily. It flowed through you just like the winds of Yavin. Form four wasn't your favourite by any means, but you'd do well enough to pass the trial of skill. By the hut Hirk and Layla were still sitting on the ground, but they'd started to work on their translation and puzzle skills ready for the trial of insight. Layla must have regained enough patience to pour over books with Hirk again. He did always seem to concentrate better with her. Clearly you'd been too obviously distracted as suddenly you felt a sharp knock to the top of your arm.

"Stay focused," Ben retracted the staff from the swing. "There won't be room for distraction in the trial."

"Fine, let's do this properly then," your rubbed your arm in frustration. It irked you when Ben tried to act all high and mighty, he wasn't perfect either.

"Finally! Thought your practising would go on forever," Hirk also clearly needed to work on being distracted. Ben smirked. One thing he couldn't resist was a chance to show off in combat. Master Skywalker would probably argue that wasn't a very Jedi-like quality, but there was time to work on that. "Sure you want to stick with form four?"

"That's what we're practising isn't it?" he knew it was his strongest and he was baiting you. Annoyingly you rose to it far too easily. Facing each other you both took the rest stance and waited. The blood flushed in your cheeks, the agitations of the past few weeks bubbling at the surface. The smirk had faded from Ben's face, replaced by a stone cold concentration. Diving in you went for a downwards strike and the duel began.

The first few minutes went as expected; fast decisive offensives and lots of movement. Ben's wide swings jarred your joints with every impact, the staffs splintering slightly with every hit. He carried through using the momentum and went for a colossal upwards swing. Just in time you backflipped away, utilising the force as required for Ataru. Leaping forwards you quickly returned to the offensive, utilising swift strokes that Ben had no choice but to block. Ataru was designed to be effective in quick bursts, and soon the pair of you were struggling for breath. This time Ben leapt into the attack and you had to twist in the air to avoid the hit. Neither of you could gain the full advantage over the other. Without realising it half an hour had passed.

You gripped the staff tightly, the splinters cutting into the your palms. This needed to be finished quickly, you couldn't keep up much longer. Ben's staff was dipped low, the tip almost dragging through the dirt. You knew Ben, he was getting ready for a heavy upwards swing. Running forwards again you went to take a swing at your foe's torso. Ben flinched, preparing to block again. At the last moment you vaulted upwards. Staff raised overhead you went for the final blow to where you knew Ben's staff would be.

 _Crack._ The sound of your ribs being hit registered before the realisation did. Ben's staff wasn't in front of him where you thought it would be, instead it was lodged in your right side. You were mid air and helpless. The power of the blow knocked you sideways, but not before your staff came down hard on his shoulder. He crumpled under the hit. Crashing into the turf you slid along the floor away from him.

Silence. Nothing registered with you for a moment as reality spun away from you. The pain in your side screamed in your head, but the fact you could feel it was provably a good thing. A few broken ribs. In you ears the ringing was growing louder and your vision started to double. Lifting your face off the dust your eyes met your opponents. What you saw scared you. Ben was on all fours, with one hand clutching the shoulder you'd hit. From under the sweat streaked strands of black hair his eyes were locked onto you with a rage you hadn't seen before. His breathing was laboured and his head was shaking almost uncontrollably. A lump caught in your throat, like prey being spotted.

Nothing else outside of that glare existed. His usually warm brown eyes were now obsidian cutting into you, slicing you down. Did he even recognise you? The feral standoff pinned you in place from terror.

Get up. You own thoughts were trying to yell above the ringing. Ben said nothing, he just stayed fixated with anger. Get up. Using the arm on the left you pushed your torso up, trying to get your legs under you. Your eyes were still locked. Why wasn't he moving? Manoeuvring onto one knee you forced yourself standing. That's when the ringing turned into a screech so deafening your head felt on fire. Instantly your knees gave way and you screamed out against the agony, once again hitting the dirt.

As soon as you landed Ben snapped out of whatever trance he was under. The furrowed brow softened and he looked up properly, breathing relaxing. His face drifted away from you as you rolled onto your back, losing the strength to support yourself. Once you'd cried out the screech in your head had stopped, like it was satisfied with your pain. How hadn't you passed out? You almost wish you would, instead you just lay there staring up at the sky.

A blurred form suddenly blocked your view and you felt something slide under your head. Your upper half lifted as someone put your head onto their knees. Were there voices or was the ringing still there? For some reason you couldn't focus on the body holding you, even as another one popped up beside it.

"Nim!"

Was that in your head or was that real?

"Nim please,"

The voice became clearer and finally your vision starter to focus again. A shooting pain rocked up your side as a warm hand pressed against the tender flesh. Inhaling through your teeth you looked for the culprit. Layla was bent over your side, inspecting what you could see was an already purple side. At your sudden breath she relaxed slightly, "just the ribs, everything else in there seems fine. I'm more worried about the concussion." Well that was positive at least.

"Nim?" your attention switched to the face directly over yours. All the anger had drained from Ben's face, and clearly so had the blood. The worry had set in instead and the shaking of anger had turned into a slightly quivering bottom lip.

"I think you win that one," the words came raspy, but at least they came. He laughed in relief and gently held your head resting on his legs. Reaching up you ruffled the front of his hair, "what are we going to do with you Solo."

"Get both of you inside before someone finds us and reports this," Hirk was kneeling just beside Layla, keeping a sharp eye on the academy grounds. Luckily it was the middle of class time, no one was about. He was right, this close to trials you didn't need any trouble. You started to sit up, the injury instantly complaining as you did so. Wincing you froze in the motion.

"Don't move, I've got you," Ben went to hold you up, but you could feel him tense up as he tried to use his shoulder.

"Don't even try it," Right away Hirk moved in. "Layla sort Ben out, I'll take Nim inside." He swept you up with very little effort, doing his best not to touch the side that was broken. There was nothing you could do to protest even if you wanted to. As he took you away you could hear Ben protesting at being prevented from following. The distress in his voice pulled at your core. It was only an accident.

"Hirk I need to tell Ben-"

"You're not doing anything right now." It was only a dozen strides to your hut and he quickly got you through the door without bashing anything too sore. Carefully he placed you on your bed and pulled the blanket over your legs.

"Layla said its only my ribs right? It's fine I need to go talk to him," Hirk laid an oversized hand firmly on your left shoulder.

"She said you've got a concussion, that means bed rest until we know you're fine." You went to argue again but he gave you a stern look. Hirk was never stern. Thinking better of it you tried to see past his massive form out the door. Something had snapped in Ben, and knowing him he was about to start reprimanding himself for it.

"Can you at least go see if he's OK?"

"Layla is with him, as long as she doesn't beat him up for that stunt he'll be fine." The sternness faded and he pulled the door to behind him. Getting up from the bedside Hirk went over to the desk and rifled through a few of the sheets of parchment spread messily about. Selecting one out you recognised as your notes on Tython, he pulled the stool up to your side and settled down.

"Hirk I don't think now is the best time for studying," your eyelids were getting heavier and all you wanted to do now was sleep.

"Sorry Nim, it's a concussion I need to keep you awake for a while," somewhere in the back of your mind that made vague sense. "Right, where is Tython located?"

"The deep core..." You continued to answer Hirk's questions, but your mind was elsewhere. Ben wasn't the best at controlling his emotions, but that was something else. His eyes. The anger in them was terrifying. He hadn't been Ben in that moment, he was something else. This was something you needed to fix. Yet as you thought of what to say to your friend, a vexing feeling inside you planted its roots.


End file.
